French Fries

I don't get the hype around French Fries.

I used to really hate them. They're usually mushy and don't really have a distinct taste. Nothing about them is really attractive. It would be absolutely terrible on its own without salt or ketchup, with no redeeming qualities. Really, they are just sticks of mushiness.

British people have fish and chips as one of their unofficial national dishes. This, I would argue, is possibly one of the blandest meals ever invented. You already have the tasteless mushiness from the chips and you decide to add some tasteless mushy fish into your meal. I don't even usually think fish tastes that bad, but the fish used in fish and chips is just not really good fish.

Another meal that is based on fries is Canada's poutine. I will say that at least poutine is better than fish and chips. Still, I think poutine is ok at best. You could enjoy poutine for maybe a solid minute before you realize that it's basically baby food. After a minute, you realize that you're straight up just eating gravy and you might as well just go drink a bottle of gravy.

Similar things can be said about mash potatoes. Whenever I'm served mash potatoes, I just think I'm getting some sort of war ration food. I don't really get why anyone enjoys this mushy food that doesn't even fill you up. If you're looking to eat some carbs, just cook some rice. Rice can be enjoyed in so many different ways, goes with pretty much any meal you'd like, and doesn't get boring after a minute. So next time you're looking to make some mash potatoes, go cook yourself some nice Thai Jasmine rice instead.

I think the main way people enjoy fries is to dip them in with ketchup. In fact, people will dip almost anything in with ketchup. I think this just makes whatever food taste like ketchup. It actually annoys me a little bit when people get some well prepared steak at some restaurant and then decide to just pour ketchup over it. I mean I get that ketchup tastes good, but that just completely nullifies what the chef made. You won't taste any of the seasoning that you're supposed to taste anymore because all you will taste is ketchup. The thing about fries though is that if you dip it in ketchup, you wouldn't miss out on any of the taste because fries don't really have any taste to begin with.

The one thing I agree is good about fries is that it is the perfect side dish to share amongst friends. In fact, I think it's the only thing that is going well for them. Fries are the one lightweight snack that you can order and share at a boardgame cafe or a pub that everyone will likely dig into. No other food can quite do that.

Other than this one redeeming quality, fries are overall basically the definition of junk food. So if you ever go out with me and I offer you the fries from the food combo I got, don't be too surprised. Just enjoy my fries for me.